Dear Clare & Posey,
I have a tight happy loving family and my friend comes from a very destructive family. I feel sad for her, especially around the holidays. What can be done??
Clare: First of all, congratulations on having a loving family group. As know, that is not always the case with families of origin. Family members may be on quite different paths. Some paths are smooth with very few bumps, some are dirty and rutty, some filled with large boulders or small gravel. There is not a perfect path, just like there is not a perfect family - anywhere. There are only moments you spend with each other with offering kindness.
If her family is rough around the edges and demanding and she is pliant and aware, there will be continual conflicts. Perhaps she will need to exit her family to be peaceful with who she is. No one can change another person or family unit, all they can do is to find their own way to live in balance and harmony.
If she is interested, here are some spiritual practices:
~ pay deep attention to what is most important for soul growth
~ learn when and how to let go of old stories which no longer serve you
~ be present to the beauty of a moment even when it is painful
~ make no assumptions as you do not know what purpose each soul is serving
You can pray and send loving kind energy to her or her family.
Here’s the deal…some of you have loving families and some have just plain ignorant families. The 50’s example of an Ozzie & Harriet family does not exist anywhere in the universe. That was just a TV show, not real life. You get what you get. So, if she does not like her family, she should get out for her own sake and sanity. Help her find like-minded friends to support her.
She does not deserve to suffer or need to be in a continual stressed out dysfunctional situation. If her family does not understand her, then, so be it. You can only do what you can do and her needs to feel safe are important. Why should she subject herself to useless continual arguments, bad manners, opinions that are far from hers? Hopefully, she can take a break and find another group of people to hang with. She will be much happier and may even do some of Clare’s soul work in the process.