. . . soulful musings and mindful reflections on everyday living
Sad friend - cheating husband
December 17, 2014
Dear Clare & Posey: my friend found her husband cheating on her and she is angry, confused and very sad! She is not interested in a divorce, yet needs space to consider the ramifications for her and the family. How can I support her?
Clare: A situation like this is colored with multiple complicated issues reflecting both your friend and her husband’s soul need for continued growth in this human and eternal world. As a representative of her soul, I believe she is being taught valuable life lessons through this nasty unpleasant situation. Being angry and sad is a good place to start understanding what the soul needs to heal the situation. However, remaining in bitter emotions will not allow the soul to be heard over the shouts of the bruised ego.
Remember, the soul is interested in the deeper teachings and life lessons that come with a human body and the demands the ego presents within an emotional and cultural context. You as the friend do not know what life lesson is being expressed for either of them or their extended family. By touching into the soul’s vastness, she may be learning about deep compassion or forgiveness from this life or another or perhaps trust is the bigger issue needing to be experienced or loving acceptance of human frailties. She may not know just yet and you will not know. It is not your soul or human business unless you too are being shown a soul lesson.
Here is what you can do: hold both of them in your thoughts sending prayers of healing and love. Listen without judgment, respond with neutrality rather than drama, don’t try to fix the situation, be present to the grief and sorrow she is going through. This is a teaching for you. Be open, be aware and be kind.
Posey: Wow, I do not like situations like this, because someone is going to get hurt deeper than the other. As the ego, I immediately go on the defensive, becoming so angry that I cannot figure out what to say or how to act in front of the other. I would want to throw him out of the house with all his clothes and possessions. Naturally, this is not of value, but is what I feel like doing. My teeth are clenched, my jaw is jutted and my mind is in hysterical shambles. I want him out no matter what! And, I want to find peace of mind…but it does not come. Nights are just horrible as I replay the cheating scenario over and over and over.
What will bring me relief? When he begs for mercy, yes, when he is as broken as I am. I do not care what Clare says, this is war and I want to win which brings temporary relief. At some point, maybe I will consider some of the ideas of the soul. But not right now. First, I have to fight to win, fight to be right, fight for survival.
As her friend, you can stand up for her in everyway you can – discount the spouse, ignore him, send him your unhappy snarly thoughts. Maybe he will never again use his immature rutting nature to puff him self up. Maybe he is really sorry – I hope so for your friend’s sake.