Learning to BE

January 2, 2015

Dear Clare & Posey: I just graduated from college and have my first good job. On a recent vacation, I realized I did not know how to BE – all I know is how to do. Can you help?


Clare: congratulations on your graduation and job – a fine accomplishment! Learning to BE rather than do is a significant part of a life well lived. When you find yourself discovering the space to be quiet with no items on your agenda what happens? Do you immediately get a looping restless, relenting ego mind giving you many ideas of what to do next? As you soul friend I would love to help you get into a moment or two of nothingness.


Suggestions to get into the BE zone: realize that you are an energy being and in every moment, you have the choice to drop your awareness into your inner self or pay attention to the noisy chatter of the outer world. To make the switch be patient with yourself! Here are a few hints to drop into your inner self:


  • For 1 – 5 minutes a day, gaze at a candle, stare at a flower, or close your eyes. Listen carefully to your breath while breathing in and out of your nose. Feel and follow your rhythm. When your mind starts chattering, allow the noise for a moment and return to your breath.

  • Go for a run, a walk, garden, knit, ride a bike, dance, paint or engage in other activities that take you from your head to your creative soul.

  • Ask your loud ego mind to quiet so your soul’s whisper can be heard – they both like and appreciate instructions from you.

  • Feel your practice within your skin, soul and heart.


Above all, practice, practice and then practice some more. All new creative ventures take time, patience and love for self. Go forth and enjoy!


Posey: I am not sure I understand the need to BE – what is that all about? As your ego self I am about the doing, doing, doing. Your accomplishments are wonderful and well admired by your busy mind/ego. You may be addicted to the continuous energy of big spread sheets, to do lists, helping others, managing time to the nth degree, organizing events and falling into bed exhausted. But… you have managed to do so much and your goals were reached in every possible manner. Well done. I am proud of all you can and will do.


You and I both know that accomplishing and goal setting is vital. It is what is taught from an early age and it is deeply instilled in our minds. We just can’t get over the idea of not being busy. A goal is real and tangible. How can you quantify being?  Where are the high honors or certificates or diplomas for someone gazing at a candle and being quiet. Well, maybe those who are quiet with no agenda are calmer and seemingly happier than one who is over the top busy. But, still – they have no outward ways to show how fabulous they are. Right?


So, I would advise to keep on doing, because I do not know how to help you settle and quiet your mind. That falls in Clare’s world. I do know how to keep you extremely busy with a full exciting calendar guaranteed to keep you in the continuous round and round cycle of a busy life. Onward!

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