. . . soulful musings and mindful reflections on everyday living
I need to say NO
May 5, 2015
Dear Clare & Posey: I need to say “no” to helping others, however the word “yes” keeps coming out of my mouth, even when I do not want to do the project or help someone. What can I do?
Clare: When you are in conflict between your soul needs and your ego wants, you will say yes rather than no to a situation or person who is asking you for help. I know you have the power within to say no rather than yes, you just may need some encouragement. As your soul helper, I can give you guidance via your intuition. When you slow down enough, you can hear your heart and soul (me) helping you to recognize what is best for you in that moment. Saying no does not mean you want to distance yourself or stop giving to others rather it allows you to give fully in the right place where your heart and soul can rejoice with life affirming moments.
Can you remember a time when you were asked to do something that was not in resonance with you? How did you feel at the time? Most likely out of sync, unstable, slightly disagreeable and possibly distant, all with that fake smile on your face. Viewing your body language we would have seen you leaning away from the person asking the favor, looking uncomfortable. Yet, you said yes – why? Was it your cultural or societal conditioning where you think you must help your neighbors first before yourself? Were you being nice so everyone would like you? If so, it is time to become conscious when being asked to help. Watch, listen and learn from your body and soul to determine if this situation is right to say yes to. Be confident, smile and be kind as you simply say, “no thanks, I am not the right person”. We will whisper ‘good for you in your ear.’ You are now supporting soul growth rather than ego adornment.
Posey: Ego adornment – really! Saying yes can give you a very satisfying feeling. It means people like you, appreciate you and want you. You are popular! The asker knows you can do marvelous things for them or their cause. All this is good as it puffs up you up (and me the ego).You glow and are happy that you are in a place of power. Now, this may be a little tiny piece of power, and it may be misplaced or misguided, nonetheless, you are in a wonderful position of helping, perhaps influencing someone or something by saying yes. This makes you and me proud.
No doubt there are times you should say no to something – that is when there is noting in it for you. When the situation brings glory to others but somehow skips over you. Sadly the spotlight is sweeping everywhere but on your fabulous attributes. If that is the case, go ahead say no and look for another opportunity to be of service. Because, it is service to others and yourself we are talking about here. You are a dependable, reliable helper, which is why people continually ask you for assistance. Imagine their shock when you say “no”. They may go elsewhere and not visit your doorstep again. Is that what you want? Consider your options carefully. We will protect you as needed, even if you say no. Good luck.