. . . soulful musings and mindful reflections on everyday living
How can I stop fighting with my dad?
July 1, 2015
Dear Clare & Posey…my dad and I had a terrible emotionally driven fight. I want to repair our relationship, but I do not know how. Can you help?
Clare: We know the pain you are in because despite the argument, you do love each other. However, you both feel you are not heard by the other. As your soul, I feel that your suffering is over an issue that occurred in your early years and perhaps even lifetimes ago, which was has never been addressed or resolved. When any old emotional sadness is not brought to light, the energy of loving each other is disrupted. A heavy curtain falls the moment one even thinks of the other. You want the curtain to be lifted forever, however another fight comes about to prove to your unconscious that neither of you are being heard. Sadly, this stands in the way of healing the emotional wound.
If it is possible, we suggest you seek a neutral party to help you get to the heart of the matter. If your dad will not attend, you can begin to discover the roots of the deeper issue yourself. Hypnotherapy or past life regression with a trained professional is useful to begin the healing process. Even if only one of you does this, it will make a difference for both. When you are able to recognize the pain he is in or he to recognize your pain, the path to forgiveness and healing is forged. Your soul needs and wants you to be whole and loving with your dad. His soul wants the same for you. This will take work and a conscious desire to not fall into old traps, but to build new ones for a firm loving kind relationship.
Posey: Wow, I have danced with both of you on this issue for so many years. It seems like pride, resentment, and both your fragile egos get in the way of hearing each other out. Both of you are very stubborn and that turns into righteousness. You both continually feel you are right – not just on this matter you argued about, but lots more. As your ego, I want to keep you secure, safe and kinda right and his ego wants the same for him. I am not sure about breaking old harmful habits, because that points to change, which the ego is not fond of dealing with. Thus the conflict.
Remember, my job is to protect you in my own way and that is where pride and standing up for yourself comes in. Maybe your ego goes a bit too far sometimes while serving you well at other times. It is so hard to break old habits and we naturally just fall right back to the learned reactive situation. I suggest looking at all the ramifications an ego-based argument creates and maybe dialing the pride back a bit. The drama is upsetting to other family members and continues to imprint sadness and estrangement from each other. Is that worth it? I will still protect you, even when you are less stubborn and prideful. Together, we can make your life lots easier.