. . . soulful musings and mindful reflections on everyday living
Why do I feel distant?
October 20, 2015
Dear Clare & Posey – I have always felt a bit different from others and this keeps me slightly distant and standoffish. Can I change this?
Clare (soul): this question poses an excellent example of how your soul is giving you nudges to know yourself, grow and change a behavior. Yes, you can rearrange your thoughts and beliefs about being standoffish, because, in reality, you are not that way. You are warm and interested in life and all that goes on around you. Feel into the moments when you engage with friends and family – you are present and so involved. You tend to feel distant from those you may not know well as a defense mechanism. What you do not know is how they feel about you and why they want to get to know you. When you let them in even if you feel scared, this is soul work. Take time to open just enough to explore your heart and the energy of another. When you gravitate towards someone you do not know but feel pulled towards them your soul is saying: get to know this person you will learn something from them. Sometimes it is a way to find a new friend and sometimes it is just a soul moment to see how to change your old belief. Take note when this happens, be aware as you share conversations and see where it goes. If your soul wants to go forward or be neutral, you will know. Your feeling of being distant will release as you recognize the path you are on.
Posey (ego): I feel your standoffishness is your right. It is part of your human personality and when you take on this part of your persona, you are protecting yourself. After all, some people may not like you. And, if they do not like you why should you be around them? All you will feel is sadness and who wants that? So, egotistically, you set up boundaries and certain stances to keep people away, thus keeping yourself safe. As your ego, I keep you safe and boxed in so you do not need to worry about growing or expending yourself in arenas that may prove uncomfortable or unrewarding for you. If you find someone you do not know and they express interest in knowing you, step slowly and keep those defenses palpable, that way, if your ego instincts to shield yourself are right, you will not get hurt. I know Clare wants you to grow towards new possibilities to break this belief that you are different, but I want you to watch the competition, watch and see where new friendships may lead, watch closely so you will not be wounded, watch and observe how being a bit of an outsider can serve you. All these mechanisms will keep you just where you are now. Safe, secure and aware of any jolts that may upset what you have known for your whole life – that you are a bit different.