Dear Clare & Posey – I have a friend who is very stubborn. I also notice he has many trust issues. Do they go hand in hand?
Clare – Soul: Sadly, your stubborn friend may not trust others because he firmly believes he and only he can do any task correctly. When you only trust yourself, you are a party of one, removed emotionally and spiritually from living a full and rich life. Your friend has lost the foresight to see how collaboration can be of value to his life. He has locked himself in an egocentric defensive box with very small doors. Can he get out of his stubborn stance in life? Yes, he can. It may take time to dig deep to find out where the stubbornness and lack of trust in self and others originated.
From a soul’s point of view, stubbornness can give way to surrender when one wishes to discover what is missing in life. Is it a lack of love of self and others or is it a fiercely guarded protection shield of fear to keep any emotional connection at bay? It usually comes down to a deeply rooted feeling that love was/is not available to them. Whatever the story, there is a reason he is the way he is and a life lesson to learn. He always has the choice to change, however hard it maybe. If he chooses to remain tightly wound, his body may respond with an illness or disease to try to get his attention. However, with the right therapist or teacher, plus soul awareness and perseverance, he can change and live with an open vibrant heart and soul.
Posey - Ego: Stubbornness is not necessarily a negative attribute. In fact, willful determination has saved many people in both home and business affairs. Being who he is, he probably does not even see himself as stubborn or untrusting. He applauds his intellectual superior human traits and abilities (including adhering to a project with tenacity). He praises himself internally for his dedication to a task and can be narcissist as he makes all situations about him. His head controls his life and he really likes that because he can figure everything out to his satisfaction. And, I mean everything.
Your friend may not trust anyone because he knows he is simply the best. Hands down. What is wrong with that? A controlling personality needs to make sure everything turns out the way they want it. And, that can be concerning to friends who want an even playing field. Clare suggests he might want to change, but why would he choose to live with an open heart? After all, he risks leaving his bubble of safety I so strongly support. He may loose his inner compass in this scary world full of emotional and spiritual pitfalls. On the other hand, if he can find a way to soften some of his edges, he may be a better friend to you and others.